.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
