Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
