Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
