Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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