every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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