Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
