I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
