no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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