john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
