If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
