your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
