and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
