If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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