He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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