we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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