More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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