did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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