I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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