I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
