just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
