come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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