She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
