I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
