Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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