During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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