my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
