He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
