i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
