i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can't turn off my feet"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
