people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
