Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
