I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
