I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize