I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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