I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
