so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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