let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
