the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
