ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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