we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
