And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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