so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
