he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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