I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
