Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize