Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
