using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
