she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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