Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We have so much sex to catch up on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
