when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
