Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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