why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
