Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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