that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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