Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
