i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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