3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize