I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
