Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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