Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
