ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
