If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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