hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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