I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
