I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You made out with two different species that night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
