There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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