No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
