I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
