Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
