She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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