Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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