hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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