It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
