I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
