He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
