Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize