After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
