Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
