What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
