Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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