ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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