Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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