No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
